FREEDOM

 

Petr stroked the doberman's head slowly, a shadow of amusement crossing his face as Meysvek lifted its head to lick his fingers eagerly.

He wondered idly if his dog was licking him because it loved him, or if it was just tasting the hamburger he'd had for dinner that night.

His cell phone rang, and he dug into his pocket, struggling to retrieve it. His pocket was always full of too many things. He vowed to get rid of them some day. He'd been vowing that for six months.

"Hi, Petr?" An unfamiliar voice said, in an unfamiliar city in an unfamiliar life.

"Yes. Who's this?" Petr's free hand was still dangling over the side of his couch, and his dog continued lapping at it persistently.

"It's Paul. I was wondering if you wanted me to show you around? Maybe go to a club or something?" It sounded completely innocent, a captain making a friendly gesture to welcome a new player to the team, to get him acquainted with his new surroundings.

Petr understood exactly what Paul was asking, though.

Paul had made what he wanted very clear earlier that day as they were walking to their cars after practice. Eyes that lingered on him, tasting and savouring all that they found sweet and delicious on his body. Hands that brushed against his a shade too often, a sliver too long. Voice that invited even as it caressed and fondled.

The only unknown was whether he would answer yes or no.

And the biggest factor in that decision was running around pointlessly somewhere in Colorado as part of the Stars' annual training camp Eco-Challenge.

Petr was fairly sure that Jason was smiling his golden boy smile, oozing charm and casually endearing himself even further to his teammates. He had those soulful brown eyes, that casual demeanour that seemed to charm the pants off everyone, man and woman alike.

But not Petr.

Well, not at first, anyway.

From the moment Jason joined the Devils, he had everyone wrapped around his little finger. If there was one thing he understood, it was how people worked. He only needed to hear a person speak a few words for him to sum up their personalities, likes and dislikes. He would play on their insecurities, gently coax them to share their interests and make them feel special. It came as naturally to him as breathing or walking.

It wasn't a surprise that he never went to bed alone.

When Petr struck his fancy, he didn't expect the story to play out any differently. He read Petr as easily as he had everyone before him. Soulful, sensitive Petr. All dry humour and biting wit. Possessed the eyes of an angel and the spirit of a demon. Jason knew the right words to speak and the right gestures to make. He'd met dozens of men like Petr before, and had slept with all the ones he'd cared to sleep with.

Petr nodded and smiled when Jason paid him compliments, laughed when he made jokes and grinned knowingly when he shared carefully cultivated secrets with him. Petr also saw right through him and politely, but firmly, denied his advances.

Jason just went after other people. He liked Petr, but he didn't consider him that special. He never stopped trying, though. He liked to keep doors open, or at the very least unlocked.

Petr, for his part, was vaguely amused by Jason. He watched Jason's targets succumb to him one by one, even the ones who hated him viciously before they'd met him. He enjoyed talking to him too, and he especially enjoyed the parts of Jason's personality that crept out when Jason wasn't spinning his words with silver and gold.

It took a while, but Jason finally realized that his charm had no effect whatsoever on Petr. And he loved it. He took solace in it. It wore him down a bit, having to always say the right thing and hide his feelings when he was around other people if he was a bit down. He never had to do that with Petr. Petr didn't like him any less for not being upbeat and charming all the time. It was a nice change.

They became really good friends, confiding in each other and complaining to each other over the years. As close as they were, neither considered taking their friendship one step further. Jason thought it would be really strange to start trying to pursue someone he'd already pursued and been rejected by. Petr wasn't particularly interested in becoming just another conquest for Jason. He wasn't seeing anyone else, either. He wanted to concentrate on hockey - a relationship could come later.

They ended up together anyway. It wasn't the intimacy of being linemates, or the drama of winning the Stanley Cup, or losing it the year after, that prompted them to take things further.

It was simple boredom.

Jason and Petr both made the decision to stay in New Jersey the summer of 2001 with the intent to go on a road trip together. Thanks to their laziness and procrastination, they were still sitting on Jason's couch watching movies three days after they'd planned to leave. An argument over whether David Duchovny was hot or not (Jason thought he was, Petr didn't) led to friendly punching and wrestling and Jason pinning Petr to the floor.

Then Jason kissed Petr, and Petr kissed him back. They both enjoyed the kiss well enough. They were definitely physically attracted to each other. And they both weren't really sure what to do next. There wasn't any fiery passion and lust for each other that could have led to emotional declarations of love or torrid lovemaking. Instead they just ended their kiss and grinned at each other in mild confusion.

The road trip turned out better than either of them had expected. They were in tacit agreement that the kissing and the fondling and, eventually, the sex were just going to be a summer thing, and that the start of training camp would be the end of it.

They didn't stop, though. Jason didn't feel the desire to be with anyone else but Petr, which was a big change for him. Petr actually wanted to be with Jason, which was a big change for him too. They quietly spent the best six months of their lives together.

At the end of March they found out that Jason had been traded to the Stars. Jason was shocked and upset by the news, but the thought never entered his mind that the trade would threaten what they had together. Petr thought different. He knew what Jason was like. He'd known him for so long, played on the same line with him for so long. It wasn't in Jason's nature to not have someone by his side. Petr didn't want Jason to change, though, it was something he accepted about him. He knew he couldn't change him.

When they said goodbye to each other in private, Petr was on the verge of breaking up with Jason. He knew it would be better for the both of them. It was on the tip of his tongue the entire time. But he never said it. Jason meant too much to him. He couldn't bear to say it.

Petr went to visit Jason in Dallas after the Devils were eliminated in the playoffs. Jason was happy to see him but something was different. Petr could feel it in the way Jason kissed and hugged him. He did it differently. He didn't use his tongue as much before. He hugged him more tightly. He was different during sex.

Petr knew that Jason was sleeping with somebody else. He wasn't surprised or angry, just a little sad. Jason, for his part, was substantially weighed down with guilt and he was a bit distant around Petr because of it. Petr cut his trip short and spent the rest of the summer in the Czech republic.

They didn't break up, though, and Jason, although he did love Petr and felt guilty doing it, continued to entice a steady stream of men and women into his bedroom. Petr on some level, knew what was happening. They talked only a couple of times on the phone before Petr was traded to Anaheim.

They both thought of it as good news. They would be in the same conference and nearer to each other throughout the season. They had a better chance to make it work out. That was two months ago.

Petr was now holding his cell phone, and Paul was on the other side still waiting for him to respond.

Jason was in Colorado, running around pointlessly, doing things with logs and bungee cords and ladders as part of the Eco-Challenge. Brightening the moods of everyone around him, drawing them to him with his easy charm. Eyeing the rookies and veterans alike.

Not thinking about Petr.

Petr abruptly realized that Jason shouldn't be a factor in any of his decisions. Not any more. And he shouldn't have been for the past six months. He would have to call him later and talk to him.

And set him free.

He gave Paul his answer and hung up, squeezing his phone back into his pocket. He'd clear out most of the crap in there later.

Meysvek stopped licking his hand and rested its chin on its paws. Petr sank deep into his couch and thought about Jason and all the memories he had of him, from the time they'd met to their short, uncomfortable time together in Dallas, smiled, and silently said goodbye to him.

ALLURE

 

(February, 1998)

"Hey Petr, what are you doing tonight?" Jason called after Petr as he walked out to his car after practice.

"Nothing." Petr stopped to let Jason catch up to him.

"Want to come to a club with us?" Jason asked, grinning at him broadly.

"No thanks. I'm pretty tired. I'm going to go home and read and go to sleep early I think." Petr yawned. Just talking about being tired had made him feel a little sleepy.

"Petr, we don't have a game tomorrow. You can party tonight and have the whole day to rest." Jason persisted, the tone of his voice casual, yet insistent. Smooth as honey, he always spoke in a manner that made agreeing with him seem like the sweeter option by far.

"Sorry, Jason, I'm really exhausted. You guys have a good time though." Petr smiled politely at him and started walking to his car. "I'll see you later."

Jason watched Petr walk away, mildly annoyed that he'd been turned down. He rarely got rejected. He was fairly sure that's what it was anyway - a rejection. Petr should have figured out by now that Jason was interested in him.

No, that wasn't quite accurate. Petr should already have slept with him a few times, and by now Jason would have been ready to move on to another person. That's the way it almost always worked, especially with men. Women occasionally played hard to get with him, but that was somewhat self-defeating since he usually just started pursuing somebody else.

Jason stared after Petr, and a smile eventually bubbled its way through his annoyance. He understood Petr and he didn't understand him at the same time.

The first time Petr had invited him and some of the guys over to his house, over a month ago, Jason had noticed the art and how carefully selected it was, how unusual the pieces were and how difficult it must have been to obtain them all. He'd praised Petr warmly about it. He hadn't made a half-hearted statement, or gushed too much - that wouldn't have been effective. He came across as completely genuine, which, to his credit, he was, and Petr had responded enthusiastically, telling him all about his art collection.

As the other guys trickled out of Petr's house, one by one calling it a night, the conversation between Petr and Jason became more and more personal. Jason knew that Petr liked him. He was sitting too near to Jason far too comfortably for that not to be the case.

Jason was more than surprised that he hadn't ended up spending the night at Petr's place. He'd definitely gotten that vibe of attraction from Petr. What he hadn't gotten was an invitation. Even if Jason seemed to make the first move with somebody, that was never the reality of the situation. It always hinged on a look in their eyes, subtle body language or a catch in their voice. Them wanting him. And that night he could tell that Petr didn't want him.

Jason had left Petr's house annoyed yet intrigued, and that was the way he felt again, standing in the parking lot in the aftermath of Petr's second rejection.

He'd been with a few people already since being traded to New Jersey. It had made the transition a lot easier. Even though a lot of things were different compared to Edmonton, people were pretty much the same everywhere. They were the constant that helped him keep his balance.

That was why he found himself drawn to Petr, because he wasn't a constant. Not in the sense that he did a lot of unpredictable things. Jason had a handle on people like that. The mystery was that Petr was both interested and not interested in him at the same time. That paradox made Petr unsettling and unfathomable.

And maddeningly alluring.

*****

(February, 2002)

Petr was lying in bed on his right side, facing Jason. His eyes were closed, his breathing slow and even. Jason carefully lifted Petr's left hand to his lips and kissed the back of it softly and lovingly. He really enjoyed doing that. There was something so gentle and pure about it that it felt more intimate than kissing him on the lips.

"One." Petr mumbled sleepily, opening his eyes a tiny bit.

"Were you pretending to be asleep?" Jason asked in mock indignation.

"No, I actually was asleep until you decided to do something so nice that you woke me up." Petr opened his eyes a little more, obviously not enjoying the bright sunlight that was streaming into his bedroom. "One. Give me your hand."

Jason reluctantly offered his right hand to Petr, who grabbed it tightly, eyeing him suspiciously as if he were about to snatch it away at any moment. He had in the past, anyway. Jason started complaining. "This is so unfair."

"How is it unfair?" Petr asked, as he prepared to return the hand kiss. "Because you viciously attacked me while I was defenseless?"

"It's unfair because you were asleep and could barely feel anything and I'm awake and I ..." Jason's voice trailed off as Petr delivered a brutally tender kiss to the back of his hand. Petr's lips lingered as Jason's scalp tingled from the light, yet searing touch.

They had an agreement, the origins of which were lost in time, that every hand kiss given meant one had to be accepted in return. Jason had been hoping to get one for free that morning and had failed miserably in his attempt.

"So unfair." Jason grumbled as he ran his hands through Petr's dark hair, pulling him in for a slow, burning kiss. He cradled Petr's face in his hands and kissed him on the eyelids, first the right, then the left, causing Petr to start giggling as Jason's stubble lightly scratched and tickled him.

Petr pushed Jason on to his back, rolling on top of him at the same time. He kissed him quickly on his lips and placed his palms flat on Jason's chest, pushing himself up and off. He was planning to get out of bed, but was hindered by Jason, who had wrapped his hands tightly around Petr's wrists. Petr smiled and kissed Jason again. "Let me go, Jay."

"No, not until you do my bidding, my little Czech sex slave." Jason squirmed under Petr, rubbing against him in all the right places.

"I'm not sure I like that description." Petr said, acting slightly miffed as he dropped to his elbows softly. He started kissing and nibbling Jason's chest, sliding his hips slowly and sensuously against Jason's.

"You know you like it." Jason grinned, looking deep into Petr's sparkling brown eyes. He looked even more beautiful to him now than the day they'd first met. That was a first for him. He'd always bored of people easily. Even the models he'd gone out with began to lose their appeal after a few dates, their attractiveness waning the more he got to know them.

Petr didn't respond, but rolled onto his back, pulling Jason on top of him and parting his legs. It had been six months since their first kiss. Six months since the tentative beginning of a relationship that extended beyond the friendship that had developed in the years before. Jason knew more about Petr than he did about anyone else in his life, and yet Petr was still a mystery to him. He adored that.

Then Petr gasped as Jason grabbed his hips tightly, holding him, guiding him, pleasuring him. He started moving against Jason so slowly and smoothly that it was almost torturous, and Jason was left with one consuming thought of Petr.

He was more alluring than ever.

FAMILIARITY

 

(March, 1999)

<Hmm, I don't know ... a giraffe?> Petr rubbed his chin as he stared at Jason, who was putting his clothes on, blissfully oblivious to the scrutiny of his linemates.

<No, no!> Patrik disagreed, shaking his head. <Giraffes have long, slender necks. Arnie has a neck like an ox!>

<That's it!> Petr exclaimed. <An ox! He looks like an ox!>

At the sound of his name, Jason turned to look at the two of them and grinned. "Admiring my rugged physique again?"

Petr and Patrik started laughing uproariously, and several teammates around them joined in as their laughter echoed through the locker room. Jason continued, completely undaunted. "I mean, I know I'm gorgeous, but really, the two of you don't have to keep talking about it."

<Definitely an ox!> Petr sputtered, his eyes meeting with Patrik's as they concluded their game of "What animal does Jason Arnott look like?" On previous occasions, they had entertained themselves with discussions of hot topics such as "How long could Jason Arnott survive without sex?", "How would Jason Arnott look in drag?" and "Does Jason Arnott really have a mirrored ceiling in his bedroom?"

"Yes, we were talking about how beautiful you are." Patrik stopped laughing long enough to speak. "If I weren't straight, I would certainly whisk you away and ravish you."

Jason couldn't contain himself any longer and started laughing as well. He stopped briefly to remark, "Such a pity you're straight - you have such a tight little body."

Patrik started blushing furiously, causing more peals of laughter to break out from the other two. He rarely blushed, which meant that the precious few times he did had to be exploited wisely.

"Mmm, he's right, you're a hot little stud muffin." Petr abruptly switched allegiance and turned on his former collaborator, a sly grin on his face.

"How about the two of you go fuck yourselves?" Patrik muttered, his face still flushed.

"Hmm, I think we'd have more fun fucking each other. What do you say, Petr?" Jason winked at Petr, who smirked at him in response. Jason tried to make the offer more enticing. "You know you've been dying to make use of my mirrored ceiling."

<Told you he had one.> Petr snickered in triumph.

<Ha! Just because he said he has one doesn't mean he does.> Patrik refused to admit defeat. <Go to bed with him and take a picture - then I'll believe it.>

That was a quirk of Jason's. He never let anybody into his bedroom unless they had official business there. The door was always locked - they'd tried every time - when Petr and Patrik were over. This of course spawned much speculation on what exactly he was hiding from them.

"Mmm, you know I love it when you boys talk in Czech. It's so sexy." Jason leered at them both, causing Patrik to cringe, and Petr to roll his eyes.

"Jason, what have I told you about hitting on your linemates?" Scott Stevens walked over and clapped Jason on the shoulder so hard that he staggered a bit.

"Jealous, Scott?" Patrik asked, mockingly. Petr also turned to Scott and gave him a fake scowl. That was the way it was with the three of them. Within the trio, they were happy to gang up and pick on one another, but they were united against everyone else.

Things hadn't always been this comfortable. Jason had pursued Petr sporadically throughout his first season with the Devils, which didn't exactly make for the best environment to cultivate a friendship. They relationship between them was always cordial, but Petr simply wasn't interested and that was a barrier between them.

Meanwhile, Patrik had become quite close to the two of them. It was easy for him to get along with Petr, because they came from the same country and they shared the same brand of humor. He bonded with Jason because they were both extroverts, and they fed off each other's energy and enthusiasm.

Sometime during the off-season, Jason made the subconscious decision to give up on Petr for good, and when training camp started, things were much more relaxed between them. That was the cue for Patrik to step in and stir things up.

It started with Patrik making derogatory comments about Jason to Petr in Czech right in front of Jason. He pestered them to tell him what he was saying at first, but gave up when all that did was encourage them. Instead, he started picking on Petr to divert attention away from himself, and it worked. Patrik was more than happy to join him in teasing Petr. It was only a matter of time before Jason and Petr started ganging up on Patrik regularly when they realized that he was the only one being spared.

They would always unite when other people were involved, though, quickly turning on anyone who tried to join in the fun. They were like the Three Musketeers.

And more often than not, they were also like the Three Stooges.

*****

(August, 2001)

"Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing time, but it's so fucking good to be home." Jason declared, collapsing onto his couch dramatically.

"I had a good time too." Petr promptly collapsed onto Jason, eliciting an "oof" as the wind was knocked out of him. Jason frowned tiredly at him, but quickly started smiling when Petr started kissing his forehead, dark floppy hair falling into his face and tickling him. Sooner than Jason wanted, Petr pushed himself up and off, brushing his hair back and smiling at him. "Okay, I'm gonna drive home while I'm still awake enough to. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Jay."

Jason sat up as Petr walked to the door and called after him. "Hey, it's late and you're tired. Why don't you stay here tonight?"

Petr stopped and turned around. "Hmm, I am pretty tired. Sure. Let me get my some of my stuff from the car. Thanks, Jay!"

Petr stepped out and returned briefly with his bag. He stopped by the couch, where Jason was still sprawled, completely unable to move, and gave him a quick kiss, then started walking down the hallway. Jason lifted his head with great effort and asked Petr where he was going. Petr replied that he was headed for the guest bedroom.

Jason gumbled and forced himself off the couch. "Petr, you retard, come back here."

Petr frowned but walked back to Jason. "What?"

"You're not sleeping in the guest bedroom." Jason blurted, then gasped, mentally. Had he just fucked up? Did Petr deliberately choose the guest bedroom? Did that mean he didn't see Jason as anything more than a friend? A friend he'd been fucking for the latter part of their road trip, but still just a friend? Was it all just a summer fling to him? Because it wasn't to Jason. He didn't want it to end. But maybe it was for the best. He wasn't sure he was cut out for anything more. Jason quickly added, "Umm, it gets cold in there. I think the heating is fucked up."

"Err, okay." Petr frowned. What did that mean? It was the middle of summer and it didn't matter if the heat was out. Why didn't Jason want him to sleep in the guest bedroom? He wanted him to sleep in his bedroom? What did that mean? Did Jason see him as just another face in the procession of bodies parading in and out of that room? Would Jason just fuck him tonight and forget about him tomorrow? That thought scared him. But his desire to be with Jason quashed his fear. This might be the last time they could be together. He smiled. "I'm not going to turn down the chance to see your bedroom after all this time."

They both laughed nervously, too absorbed in their own thoughts to notice how uncomfortable the other was. They headed upstairs together and Jason unlocked his bedroom door, opened it and flicked the light switch on.

"Holy shit, you really do have mirrors on your ceiling!" Petr said excitedly, gaping at the mirrors above Jason's bed. "I can't wait to tell Patrik!"

They laughed and lay down side by side on the bed, automatically reaching for the other's hand, and stared up at their reflection in the mirror. A thought occurred to Jason, and he asked softly, "You're going to tell him?"

Petr sobered up as he realized the implications of Jason's question. He only let people into his bedroom for one reason. Was he going to tell Patrik about them? Was there a "them"? Probably not. But they still had tonight. "I guess not."

Jason's reflection stared disappointedly back at him. Not wanting to look at it anymore, he rolled over onto Petr and started kissing him hungrily. Petr began removing Jason's clothes, hurried and desperately. That night, they took turns watching their passion in the dark silver of the mirror on the ceiling, searching it for answers that were buried too deep to be uncovered by the glassy surface.

The next day they met for dinner and a movie. This time they ended up at Petr's place for the night. It continued this way until training camp, both of them thinking "just one more time", neither of them really having the willpower or the inclination to stop. Even the commencement of training camp wasn't enough motivation for them to end it, and Patrik knew immediately, from the moment he saw them together.

He couldn't have been happier for them.

The other guys who knew about Jason's and Petr's sexuality quickly figured out they were together, and approved wholeheartedly. Everyone else didn't notice anything different, probably because they didn't want to.

At first, Patrik kept his distance from them, not wanting to be the third wheel, but that just prompted Jason and Petr to gang up on him mercilessly. He happily re-entered the fold and soon they were the Three Musketeers again.

But more importantly, they were also the Three Stooges again.

CLARITY

 

(June, 2001)

"Hmm." Jason looked down quizzically at Petr.

"Hmm." Petr responded, as he touched his lips lightly with his finger. He wasn't quite sure why he did it. It was if he was trying to feel the imprint of Jason's lips on his to make sure they had really kissed.

"Umm, I'm ... sorry?" Jason said unconvincingly, still grinning bemusedly as he rolled off Petr and started straightening his shirt. Petr sat up, still a little out of breath from their wrestling match.

"Not your fault." Petr mirrored Jason's expression as he stood up. Who had kissed who, anyway? He had been pinned down by Jason, trying to wriggle and squirm his way out from under him. He suddenly became aware of how close Jason's face was to his. He could feel the parts of Jason's body that were pressed against him, and being conscious of the contact had made his heart race.

So did he do it? Was it him, tilting his head up at Jason, sending signals? Was that what had initiated the kiss? It seemed like they'd moved at the same time, their lips meeting, exchanging warmth and tenderness.

"I guess that's a sure sign we should get off our asses and get going." Jason tried to make a joke of it. He was still feeling somewhat stunned.

"Oh definitely." Petr smiled uncertainly at Jason, then went to get his things. They stole furtive glances at each other as they hurried gathered their belongings.

They were both still tingling from the kiss as they started carrying their bags out to the car.

The first couple of days of the road trip were fairly uneventful. Petr complained bitterly about Jason's driving. Jason insisted on listening to country music. Not that he particularly liked country music, he just knew it annoyed Petr. Jason teased Petr about his frequent need for restroom stops. Petr countered that Jason didn't drink enough water, or take good care of himself in general. Jason started calling Petr "Mom".

Underlying their usual playfulness was confusion, from both parties, about the kiss. Jason had successfully stifled his attraction to Petr after it became painfully obvious that he wasn't interested. Besides, they were good friends now. It seemed strange to him that Petr would suddenly change his mind.

Petr was wondering about that himself. When Jason first started hitting on him, he'd vowed that he would never become one of Jason's conquests. He'd been relieved when Jason had finally given up, and then had been pleasantly surprised to learn that Jason was actually a pretty good person when he wasn't trying to get into his pants. But he hadn't been attracted to Jason until three days before they left.

"I'm not feeling too good right now." Jason had said to Petr the morning they were supposed to start their trip. "Mind if we leave tomorrow instead? I don't want to fall sick while we're on the road."

"Umm, couldn't you have told me this before I came over?" Petr grumbled, crossing his arms.

"I actually felt okay before you came over." Jason sat down on his couch and turned his television on. A Steven Seagal movie was playing. "Ooh, 'Hard To Kill' - this is the one where he says 'Fuck you and die'!"

"He really says that?" Petr walked over and sat down beside him.

Hours later, they were eating pizza and drinking beer as they watched the rest of the Steven Seagal Marathon on TV. They were mostly enjoying each other's company, rather than watching the movie. They didn't really get to talk much, just the two of them, because whenever they spent time together, Patrik was always there.

That night, after the marathon was over, and the beer had worn off, and they were both nestled in the quiet that only exists at night, Jason started talking about his son. His regrets, his hopes and his fears - things he'd never told anyone before. Petr told Jason about the first guy he'd been with, how he'd pressured him into doing things he didn't want to do, and how much he regretted doing them.

The next day Jason felt well enough to go but Petr proposed "wasting" another day. Neither of them had really lazed around in a while, and they'd had such a good time the day before that they wanted to do it again. And again. And then they'd kissed the day after that.

Petr couldn't quite pinpoint the moment he'd started being attracted to Jason, but that mattered less to him than the fact that he was attracted to him. And he'd really enjoyed that kiss.

Two guys, attracted to each other, spending twenty-four hours a day together on a long, summer road trip.

They kissed again the second night of the road trip and never looked back.

*****

(July, 2001)

Petr made a contented sound. Jason couldn't help but kiss him again. They were still breathing heavily, their skin damp with sweat. Jason rolled onto his back, and Petr turned on his side, wincing slightly as he rested his head on Jason's shoulder.

"Petr, are you okay?" Jason asked, rubbing Petr's back slowly, kissing his dark, glossy hair.

"Yeah, just a little sore." Petr replied, enjoying the feel of Jason's hands on him, enjoying how good it felt to be just lying there with him like that, inhaling their mingled scents. "I haven't done this in a while, remember."

"I'm sorry if I was rough." Jason apologized softly. He thought about how it had felt, having Petr inside him, then being inside Petr and making him groan with pleasure. He thought about how satisfying it had been, how he'd never felt that fulfilled during sex before.

"You weren't." Petr kissed the base of Jason's neck lightly. He felt so close to him at that moment.

Jason's mouth opened to say "I love you" but no sound came out. It was like his vocal chords were paralyzed. He shut his mouth and looked at Petr, eyes closed, nestled contentedly in his neck. He couldn't say it. He wasn't sure if he knew what love was. He didn't want to tell Petr he loved him then break his heart later.

Petr sniffed Jason's neck and caught a whiff of perfume - real or imagined, he wasn't sure. He started giggling, tickling Jason with his laughter. "You smell like one of the strippers."

Jason chuckled and ruffled Petr's hair. "I'm glad you're amused by that."

They'd gone to a strip club the night they'd arrived in Las Vegas. Oddly enough, it had been Petr's idea. He'd never been to one before and had always been fascinated by them. Jason was amused and more than happy to go with him. They'd gotten silly drunk and had a few lapdances, which Petr seemed to enjoy a little bit more than Jason felt was proper, then returned to their hotel.

They launched into a deep kiss as soon as they'd closed the door to their hotel room. Somehow, they managed to stumble to the bed without taking their lips off each other. They also displayed amazing dexterity as they removed each other's clothes.

Their hands roamed each other's bodies as they kissed, licked and nibbled. Jason pressed hard against Petr, wanting more. He said, raggedly, "I want you."

Petr hesitated, wondering if Jason had said it because he was drunk, or because he was worked up after all those lapdances. He looked into Jason's eyes and he knew right away that Jason really did want him. The question then became whether he wanted Jason.

It was a question that had been answered before that night. Petr was in love with Jason. He knew Jason's track record, how he'd barely been able to stay with the same person for more than a couple of weeks. He'd heard the way Jason talked about them. In fact, he'd even heard details about Jason's sex life he was sure Jason's partners wouldn't be happy to have divulged.

But somehow, it didn't matter to him. He'd already been with Jason longer than anybody else. Deep down, he knew he meant something to Jason. Maybe Jason didn't love him, but that was enough.

"I'll shower if you want me to get rid of the smell." Jason added, sniffing Petr's neck and chest. "Although you have to shower too. You smell like stripper as well."

"No, it's okay. You smell mostly like Jason." Petr hugged him tightly, then cradled his face in his hands and moved in for a kiss.

It was an honest, uninhibited kiss, completely free of doubt and worry. And it should have been.

They were in love with each other.

 

THE END